I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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