my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
