Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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