are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
