i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I supernannyed him into submission
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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