3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
