i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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