They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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