Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize