You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
