When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
