i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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