.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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