I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
