Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
