you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
