I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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