matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
