i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
