party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
