Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is wine microwaveable?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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