CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
