How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
