do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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