Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
