i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
