I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I stole a fireplace last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
