its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize