he thought i was a dude.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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