Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
