So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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