What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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