dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
