im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize