i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
