Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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