We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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