how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
