TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
