True but thats because hes a fetus.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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