Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
