So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
