were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
