I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
