Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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