I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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