I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
