eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
