You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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