Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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