At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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