I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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