I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Be still, my beating vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Success! We fucked roommates!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
