I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
