He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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