I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
