Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
