I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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