I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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