I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
babies were throwing up all over the place
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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