So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
