I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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