I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Enjoy the penises
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
