i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
