Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
