he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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