he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
last night I used snow as a chaser
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