I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
