Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
