When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
