You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i love accidental penises.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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