is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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