She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
