Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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