I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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