Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
