It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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