Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
