I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
