I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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