She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
