So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
