omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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