My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
