My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
