I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
