It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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