If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
