I hate all girls vehemently.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize