apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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