I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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