you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
