I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
