How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
