my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize