wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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