Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
