JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
