We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
