my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
