My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
