Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
