I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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