Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think people are normalizing furries
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
