Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
