Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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