just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
