Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
