i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
