So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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