Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
