I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
