I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
