You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
